We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
