everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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