he puts the penis in happiness.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
