I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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