Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
