my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
