I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
