And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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