I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
