I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
that is very illegal...i love you.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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