morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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