Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
