You're so nebulous sometimes
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
