This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i out mim tonsoeep
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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