I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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