when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
