I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
