I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
