C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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