i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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