It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
