At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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