We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
