Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
