pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
