I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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