So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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