I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
