you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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