She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
