He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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