Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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