i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
