I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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