so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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