Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
