I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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