Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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