This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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