if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
