Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
