you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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