I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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