Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
