get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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