She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Randomize
