Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
