Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
