He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
