you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
