I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
