Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
