The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
