I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
