Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize