I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
