If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
