dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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