im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
