If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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