In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Alive.
So much puke
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
