my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
