There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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