I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
