if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
