I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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