Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i came on her dog
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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