just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
