It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
