Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
