He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
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I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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