HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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