I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
