Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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